Friendship

Lord, forgive me for not being a friend.  Forgive me Lord.  Show me what made me fall in love with Craig to begin with.   Thank you for your faithfulness.  I want to be my husbands friend.  I am so tired of everything being such a struggle. 

Blessings

I am blessed.  I am more selfish though.  When I consider the times i become frustrated with craig it is when he isnt living up to my expectations.   Forgive me Father.   I desire to have a joyful thankful heart.   I know it can only come from you.  
Craig provides.
He loves me
He is affectionate
He is fun

God have i become a bitter wife?  Forgive me.  Lord fill me so that i can give to my husband.  He gives of himself without asking for anything in return.  Who will fill his emotional bank account?  I think he appreciates being appreciated.  LORD show me little ways to appreciate Craig.  Thank you for him. 

Guard your heart

http://bible.com/111/pro.4.23.niv Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Bible.com/app

So often it seems that the stresses of my job start to catch up with me and then it only takes one more word and I give up control of my heart and mind to others.  Lord I know this is not from you.  Please fill me with your spirit Jesus.  That I would have a heart and spirit full of your word.  Then the words that come from my mouth would glorify you. 

Guarding Your Heart

Proverbs 4:23 says to guard your heart "for it determines the course of your life" (NLT). Think about that. Whatever's in your heart is eventually going to show up in your everyday life. Whatever's inside will eventually find its way out, where anyone and everyone can see it.

That alone makes it extremely important to monitor the things we allow to shape our hearts. I don't want something nasty, sinful, and selfish finding its way out and damaging my relationships with others, and I doubt you do either.

A large part of guarding your heart means learning how to control your thoughts, your words, your disposition and your general outlook. What you think usually comes out in what you say. What you say affects how you feel, and that shows up in your overall attitude.

In the course of everyday life, this is what determines how you handle your circumstances, whether you'll have peace or fall apart in a stressful situation. It governs how you respond to others, either with compassion and understanding or with judgment and arrogance, especially when you disagree with them!

You can try and keep your inner thoughts from altering your words and attitudes, but I find it's much easier to have godly thoughts to begin with. Spend time in God's presence, and let the Holy Spirit fill your heart with His goodness.

Prayer Starter: Lord, I only want my heart to be filled with thoughts and desires that are from You. As I spend more time in Your presence and focus solely on You, I know that my heart will change for the better, affecting the rest of my life in godly ways.

Love On

In summarizing 1 John 2,  questions came to mind.

1.   Why am I so eadily offended? 
2.  What are the 10 commandments? 
3.  What is the lust of flesh, lust of eyes and pride of life?

Answered prayer

Wow wow wow

I have been feeling like all of my prayers have been going unanswered....

A few days ago as  I was reading Messy Beautiful Love, A chapter called Give up your right to be right...I was struggling internally with what the author  was saying.

Love does not boast...it takes pleasure in him....   they went on to say to esteem others higher than yourself.

As I read this... I was feeling agitated..... my prayer was Lord... what about me? Who is going to fill me? 

In the still quiet.... not audibly but definately  there.... God said, "I will".

I doubted.

But....God is good all the time and all the time God is good.   In the last few days, i have received cards and small gifts from co-workers.  Words of encouragement.....   thank you Jesus for loving me enough to send people to fill me.  Even Debbie.... so far away...turned our picture into her profile picture.   You are a good and generous God. 

Day 6

Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;   in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

Lord, I am seeking you.  I am trusting you to make my marraige something that glorifies you.  Forgive my doubt.  

Wow

Once again Craig and I are back where we always end up. Money...

I  am reading  Messy Beautiful Love ... the chapter is talking about what love is....

Patient
Kind-  Craig has never accused me of being kind... Lord I know I am quick to talk, and am sometimes , ok oftentimes unkind.  I want to be kind as you see kindness.  Where I am weak please be strong.
Does not envy
Does not boast- Lord, please show me how to not be boastful but to take pleasure in Craig.
Is not proud.... esteem others as higher than yourself.  This sometimes makes me nervous or anxious.... what about me? What about my boundaries?  Who is going to fill me?   As I was asking this question,God answered in the quietness of my heart.... jesus said....Let ME.....    how can that happen?  Only in prayer and worship.  

Forgive me

http://bible.com/111/HEB13.4 Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” Bible.com/app

Father, I have sinned against you, myself and Ray.  Please forgive me.   Jesus I continued to sin, even while single.   Sexual sin is so ...... have I also caused my husband to sin?  

Robert
Jody
Thomas

For this child I have prayed

1 Samuel 1:10-18, 28 NIV

In her deep anguish Hannah prayed to the Lord , weeping bitterly. And she made a vow, saying, “ Lord Almighty, if you will only look on your servant’s misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the Lord for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head.” As she kept on praying to the Lord , Eli observed her mouth. Hannah was praying in her heart, and her lips were moving but her voice was not heard. Eli thought she was drunk and said to her, “How long are you going to stay drunk? Put away your wine.” “Not so, my lord,” Hannah replied, “I am a woman who is deeply troubled. I have not been drinking wine or beer; I was pouring out my soul to the Lord . Do not take your servant for a wicked woman; I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief.” Eli answered, “Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of him.” She said, “May your servant find favor in your eyes.” Then she went her way and ate something, and her face was no longer downcast. So now I give him to the Lord . For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord .” And he worshiped the Lord there.

Dedicate my children to the Lord.  Thank you jesus for Miranda and deven.  Thank you for giving us a relationship that has been good.  Lord jesus I dedicate Miranda to you.  I give her to you.  You love her so much more than I ever could. I release her into your hands. It is so hard giving up what I feel is control although I know I have no control and never have.  father, please remeber the compassion you placed on her heart as a little girl.  So compassionate towards everyone.    I give you deven... thank you for my son.  Lord forgive my sins towards my children.  Break the bondage of the past.  I dedicate,  deven to you father.  you love him more than I ever could.  Show us how to live him.  Lord please return to him his sensitive spirit.  Thank you for him.  

Seeking Gods will

Diligently seeking Gods will regarding what school to attend.  Brandman or GCU..... Lord, please give me Your wisdom and peace.
2014.8.25. Thank you father foe the peace to drop bramdman and go with GCU.  Thank you jesus for your favor.

Rhonda
2014.8.25. Please continue to heal her spirit soul and body. Thank you father that she is at Davis and not here. 

Steve and Staci

Conversation with Ally .2014.08.25.
Father, thank you that the conversation has went well with ally.  Please give her peace knowinf she is where you want her to be. 

Please also give Maria peace.  Lord you know who you want for this position.  Please send the right person.   

Col 3 1

http://bible.com/111/COL3.1 Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.
Bible.com/app

Forgive me Father, I have been desiring things of the world.  I want a nice house, where I am not ashamed to bring people over. 

We've talked about fostering, but cant in this house.  Is that why I have been looking?  I dont know. 

I feel the property owns us.

I love the property though.  Lord, I ask that you lead Craig.  I feel that I have had to change so much since we first married.  I have had to give up....but so has he.  Lord I used to be able to serve you.... yes that is what your word says...that remaining single is better because we think of you not of our spouse.   Lord, I dont feel he listens.... so instead I will come to you....

How

I dont know how to talk to my husband.     Today he said I should get rid of m6 horses.   Father...this is who I was when we started dating.

I have been feeling for a long time that he doesnt love me for me but for the idea of who he wants me to be.   Hed like me to quit work...get rid of the horses.....kick miranda out.. .no chickens..nothing unless he says it ok. 

Im tired...lord, I want to turn to you...
Please help me.  Help me understand and express myself in a way that is pleasing to you.  Help craig have ears that hear....

Ephesians 5:1-2 NIV

Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

Resources

http://www.annegrahamlotz.com/resources/topic/all-bible-studies/bible-studies/

Project overlook (2014.03.26)

Proverbs 12:16 NIV

Fools show their annoyance at once, but the prudent overlook an insult.

I dont have a lot of people that insult me.  Peole annoy me at times, and I wonder why they are like that...I do push back often...like with Tom or Ally.

With craig, my response is to withdraw.  When I do he turns to the internet.  Sometimes I think he only wants me around when he wants me aroumd..... lord, I am tired of the rollercoaster I am on with him.  (Then get off)  but how jesus, how do I get off this rollercoaster?  (read my word....dont be a fool and show your annoyance at once, overlook the insult)

Sometimes I dont hold my tongue...I really should..... lord jesus, please fill me so I dont long for what I am missing. 

Respect dare

Have I sensed the leading of the holy spirit?   Yes....often....but especially today.  God put it on my heart to not say anything to craig about how I felt.... I really couldnt help it. I was so hurt that he was gone all day long and never called or anything.  I am fairly certain it was all just a mix up but i feel uncared for. That is how his actions made me feel..... I know by the look on his face he didnt , mean to hurt me....but I was hurt.

How I would have loved to just be gone....and see how that makes him feel.   Lord p,ease fill me... that I would have a quiet and gentle spirit.

Psalm 40

Psalm 40:1-17 NIV

I waited patiently for the Lord ; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the Lord  and put their trust in him. Blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord , who does not look to the proud, to those who turn aside to false gods.  Many, Lord my God, are the wonders you have done, the things you planned for us. None can compare with you; were I to speak and tell of your deeds, they would be too many to declare. Sacrifice and offering you did not desire— but my ears you have opened — burnt offerings and sin offerings you did not require. Then I said, “Here I am, I have come— it is written about me in the scroll.  I desire to do your will, my God; your law is within my heart.” I proclaim your saving acts in the great assembly; I do not seal my lips, Lord , as you know. I do not hide your righteousness in my heart; I speak of your faithfulness and your saving help. I do not conceal your love and your faithfulness from the great assembly. Do not withhold your mercy from me, Lord ; may your love and faithfulness always protect me. For troubles without number surround me; my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see. They are more than the hairs of my head, and my heart fails within me. Be pleased to save me, Lord ; come quickly, Lord , to help me. May all who want to take my life be put to shame and confusion; may all who desire my ruin be turned back in disgrace. May those who say to me, “Aha! Aha!” be appalled at their own shame. But may all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you; may those who long for your saving help always say, “The Lord is great!” But as for me, I am poor and needy; may the Lord think of me. You are my help and my deliverer; you are my God, do not delay.

I need you Jesus

Deven is talking about marrying Danny.....  lord I am so sad.  I dont even know what to do..... please help me....

Psalm 70:1-5 NIV

Hasten, O God, to save me; come quickly, Lord , to help me. May those who want to take my life be put to shame and confusion; may all who desire my ruin be turned back in disgrace. May those who say to me, “Aha! Aha!” turn back because of their shame. But may all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you; may those who long for your saving help always say, “The Lord is great!” But as for me, I am poor and needy; come quickly to me, O God. You are my help and my deliverer; Lord , do not delay.

Mercy

1 a :  compassion or forbearance shown especially to an offender or to one subject to one's power ; also :  lenient or compassionate treatmen

The Lord put this on my heart as I drove to church alone.... I need to have mercy on others, as God has really had so much mercy on me.

How does one do these things?

As I read this, I continally have the question run through my mind.... HoW? 
Romans 12:1-21 NIV

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

  (This is most likely HOW) 

Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.   For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.

(There are body parts we naturally cover up.  You could probably write a parody on the charateristics we give out body parts and how they relate to us as believers.)

We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying

( not sure I would want this gift.... but I would like to speak in tongues....or experience the baptism of the holy spirit, if it is different than how I experience Him now. )

then prophesy in accordance with your faith; if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully. 

 ( * i do not know what showing mercy means....*)

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.

(I do know that being devoted to one another in love is only possible by the Holy Spirit.  )

This is where things get tough! 

Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord.

It is so easy to lose our spiritual fervor.  I get so caught up in the things of the world....in pleasing others....  
But this is what I need to do to keep my spiritual fervor...to be able to...

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.

Be joyful in hope, ( joy comes from setting your mind on things above... I HAVE to SET IT..... (Phil 4:8) )

patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. ( giving, I have to give to the Lord’s people in need....)

Practice hospitality. ( I can do this here.  It doesnt say when you have a nice house.... ha...or even running water.  I have something people are interested in.  Horses. ..I need to practice hospitality with them!  )

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. ( there seem to be a few people who persecute me.  How can I bless them?  By forgiveness.  Never saying unkind sarcastic words about them.  Even in my own home.  OK...THIS I KNOW REQUIRES THE HOLY SPIRIT....I DREAM IN SARCASM....  father, i would like an opportunity to put this is practice. )

Wow.... so I am here thinking about Heather...and maybe I ought to pray for her....and God just spoke to my heart.... what about blessing Craig? He hasnt persecuted me per se....but...there are times like now....when I feel so far away from him.  When I feel he is disappointed or upset or whatever it is im feeling...for things out of my control...I didnt ask to let Deven borrow the tractor and I didnt catch it on fire... so I dont understand why I feel as though I am the one being punished?  But it is times lime this I should bless my husband and not curse him. 
---------------- will need to revisit the below part-------

Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.   Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”    Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Respect dare..

Its been a while

How...

ISA 61:7 NIV

Instead of your shame you will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace you will rejoice in your inheritance. And so you will inherit a double portion in your land, and everlasting joy will be yours.

How can this be Father?  How can I have everlasting joy if my kids dont know you?

Too needed

Do You Ever Feel Too Needed?

Philippians 2:3 says to regard others more than yourself. The Holy Spirit wants to develop in us a desire to prefer others and meet their needs. However, living this way can sometimes be tiring. Let's face it - we all have days when we don't want to go out of our way to help someone else.

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed trying to help others the way I think I should. At times it seems all of my family members need me, my employees need me, my friends need me, and they all need me in different ways.

Do I ever feel too needed? Yes! And it's OK if you do too. We all feel overwhelmed from time to time. But we must remember that God gives us grace to do whatever He's asking us to do.

When you feel weary trying to meet the needs of others, go back to Philippians 2:3 and ask the Holy Spirit to help you. Humble yourself before God and He will strengthen you to be there for the people in your life that He's asking you to help.

Prayer Starter: God, I want to obey Your Word and regard others more than myself. When I'm struggling, lacking a desire to help others and feel overwhelmed, give me Your grace and strength to love and help the people You've placed in my life.

Thank you Jesus for blessing me.   Thank you for speaking to me the last couole of days.  For the confirmation that YOU created me to be me....and that I am an approval junkie..... but that I need to continue to be more and more like you.  Thank you for providing the way to go to Brandman. 

Missing God

I realized a couple of days ago I have been missing a real quiet time with the Lord.  Wi5h the start of summer vacation , I am wanting to get my life in order again.  More time with God, training for a triathlon(because that keeps me moving and interested), being more available to people, mainly Craig) AND BEING kinder.

I've been worrying lately.  That always tends to draw me back to quiet time.   Stayed awake much of the night worrying about having another "district principal" on our board.   Well, that, and realizing I still have the Lcap to complete. 

Finally prayed myself to sleep.  

This was very timely:

Developing an Attitude of Prayer in the Midst of Worry

When you're under pressure, it's always best to pray about it instead of talk about it. Prayer is the blueprint for a successful life.

During His time on earth, Jesus prayed. He entrusted everything to God through prayer, even His reputation and life. We can do the same. We don't have to explain all the problems to Him; we can just give them to Him and ask Him to take care of everything.

You don't have to complicate prayer. I think a lot of times people wait until they get to their quiet time or church before they really pray, without realizing that they can pray at any time. Just have confidence in simple, believing prayer. Look at Paul's instructions in Philippians 4:6-7. Instead of worrying, simply pray and ask God for help when you find yourself in a difficult situation.

The Bible tells us that God is faithful, that's one of His major characteristics. He can be counted on to come through for us when we pray to Him for help, so we should trust Him totally and completely. When we do, we'll be ready for anything that may come our way.

Prayer Starter: God, I don't want to live my life worrying. Instead, I decide today to get in the habit of praying to You at all times.

Scripture to go with it:
Philippians 4:4-9 NIV

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.   Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

And another one I am meditating on...

Colossians 4:2, 5-6 NIV

Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.

What does he like?

Proverbs 21:9 NIV

Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.

What does Craig ask me to do that I dont feel is always priductive?  Giing to Friant with him is one.  So although I feel like my time would be better spent elsewhere,  next time he asks,  I will go.   

Lord please give me peace about this.  ��

Change

So much has changed in me aince I was a teen.i love Jesus for one.   I was miserable, a thief,  a drunkard,  dishonest.  Ray told me that accepting Jesus was a fad.  I would outgrow it.  Thank you Jesus that your spirit remains in me

I believe in my heart my husband is a good man who loves Jesus also.   I see him more clearly or through trained lenses than when we first married.   Sometimes I think he forgets Gods power to change others and is cynical.

In my position (even if my position was a stay at home mom) I need to take more time recofnizing change in others.  Not just craig but in my kids and co workers. 

I should encourage others.   I dont always take the time.because we shouldnallnstrive to do our best but.... everyine needs encouragement. 

Changes ive seen in craig .....he gave up the idea of having a job in petaluma!  Thank you Lord!  He is kinder to me again. 

Lord, please show me things you see in people. ...ways to encourage others.     Thank you for your spirit which encourages me

Prayer

Galatians 6:2 NIV

Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

There have been a few times I've had troubles.   The biggest one was when I was fired from VLCS. 

I went to Craig.  did we pray together?  I dont recall.

We have had serious struggles.  I feel we are in one now. 

Top 3
Me losing my job
Craig getting valley fever
Craigs dad dying

I think we grew closer together ....except for when sam died.  He seemed to push me away a bit.

I think we cling to God separately

I want more of God together.    Im not sure where Craigs faith is.  

Submission.

I asked craig what submission looked like in his eyes, last night at dinner.he didnt want to answer, because he wanted us to have a good night. 

I still want to know....

Listening

Yesterdays dare was seeking first to understand.   Craig and I really do communicate backwards.  I asked him what time he would be home on Wednesday.  He told me that the class was 2 hours long, but, chad from work called him and.......    went into a story about how nurses receive. .incident, bit that wasnt the word..... ....and what they wanted him to do.  I was able to say.... so what I am hearing is.... and kind of repeated him...  so youll be home around......   

He is so well respected at work... I wonder if he feels inrespect him.  I wonder if he feels I even care....

Submission

Am I submissive?

I think so.  Craig does not.  I am independent and assertive.  In reading "Have a new.husband by Friday", Dr. LEHMAN said that you should tell your husband what you need and when you need it by.  Let him respond.  Dont nag.  If he doesnt do it, cheerfully get it done. (Do it yourself or hire it out)    so, does being submissive mean I should have waited for the kitchen to be remodeled?  We both knew it needed to be done. Wed even bought a lot of the stuff together.  Ive been waiting 2 years.  Even he likes it.....  but he is upset with me.    Is he upset because I did it?  He did say more than once that he would like me to wait.   But for how long? 

2.  I don't know if I trust craig to do what he says hell do.  He doesnt have follow through in so many areas.  it isnt that I dont trust him to do a good job, because he does a.fantastic job when he does something.  But, like the kitchen, if I waited for him, it would never be remodeled.   He rarely cleans or cooks and I think the ickiness of what it looked like is part of it.   He also has so many projects at once that he doesnt get to everything.  I dont think not getting to things that are important to me is done in spite, I truly believe its the ADD.

There are a lot if worst case scenarios. 

I think that I need to show respect and submission by the way I speak to and about my husband.   So no gloating about the kitchen.   No making fun of him.  I need to tell him my needs and then let them go or take care of them myself.  Woman in the bible did.  Nables wife...queen esther.sarah rebecca.... they all influenced their husband and took care of business when needed. 

Lord jesus I know that this is where I struggle.  I do desire to be a good wife.  I am not sure I am capable of being a good wife though. Please speak to me and show me where I can give the reins to Craig.    Fixing the kitchen is not something his mom would have done.  Helo him understand and helo me also Lord. 

Lord, I desire to trust craig to lead me.  Where shall I even begin?

Longing

Matthew 14:22-23 NIV

Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. Later that night, he was there alone,

I enjoy my quiet time with jesus.  Thank you Lord for putting that desire on my heart so many years ago. 

Todays dare is to simply long for Jesus.  To invite him in to call my spirit. 

Lord today I will admit that you are so faithful! You always place sparks of hope in you, into my heart.  father I have never experienced the gift of tongues and ask that you allow me to experience that... I know it is for me and not for you.  I dont want to be like the disciples , always doubting and wanting more.  

I also lift up my husband.  I still dont understand why we dont communicate.  I dont understand why he wouldnt tell ME that he is not going to persue Petaluma, but I thank you for changing his heart.  Lord, please change mine for him.  I desire to live him as no other.  I dont feel loved by him. But I also know YOU will never abandon me.  Show me ways to bless him regatdless of how I feel about him.

Letter to me

1 Peter 3:1-6 NIV

Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.

Dearest self ,

Today is a beautiful day.  You are dressed in white, it is your day to shine.   You are about to take off on a journey that is going to be incredible!   If you plan on coming out on the other end, then you need to stay focused on me.  Youre identity is not in being Craig Lackeys wife.   I know most of your identity is in being a mom....but that isnt WHO you are either.  Your children will dissapoint you.  Give them to me and remember that I love them more than you do.  You love your job, but it is not who you are either.  You have big dreams.  Dreams that I put on your heart!  Dreams that I am currently in the process of making come true.  Trust me.  Abide in me...in all things.   

Craig is a man after my own heart, nut like King David, he is just a man.  Forgive him as I have forgiven you. I know you think that your past is what has defind who you are and how you respond to emotional issues, but everything you have gone through and will go through has been filtered through my hands first. NOTHING is wasted ehen you submit first to me and then to your husband.  Its ok if he doesnt always think you are submissive.  I know your hard stubborn heart.    He does not get to judge you.  I am not going to judge you, because my blood has washed you clean.   Continue in me.   I am changing you day by day.  I have heard your prayers to have a quiet and gentle spirit.  

When craig dissapoints you, forgive him, knowing he has baggage too.  Seek first to understand his needs..... but dont feel you have to talk about everything....   love him even when you dont like him.  He also has secrets that will hurt you when you find out.  But this too is something to help you grow.   Be kind always.... but you dont have to be a door mat.  Let your yes be yes and your no be no.  If you say you are going to do something then try to do itm. Understand your husband has great intentions, but the way he is created is not the way you are and he will frustraye you.  Love him anyway.  Gix what you can so he doesnt have to worry about things.  You are smart and independent use that to be a helpmate to your husband not as a weapon.

In all things, love him.  The greatest of these is love.  Love is an action word......love by your actions.

R.e.s.p.e.c.t

Ephesians 5:33 NIV

However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Today's lesson talks about publicly making fun of your spouse.  This is bad something I'll need to watch.  We tease each other often  I don't remember feeling unloved in his teasing.  I used to with ray, all of the time.  I hope I don't make craig feel disrespected.  I'm learning to say less and less...

The underware

Craigs love language seems to be physical touch and acts of service.  Physical touch because that is what he likes to give the most.    Touching me as I walk by.... acts of service.... trying to fix things....  I'm not even sure I know what mine are any more. 

The things I can do this week. ... I still need to write notes..... I can make an effort to hug him for a few minutes before I leave.   Sit on his lap when he comes home....give long hugs in the evening. 

This morning....cuddle....
One day when he is off ...sit on his lap
Hug him in the afternoon

This is no that hard.  I don't have to talk.

He'll notice he just probably won't respond.     I will pray before and during,  that God give me peace.

Get organized

1 Corinthians 14:33 NIV

For God is not a God of disorder but of peace—as in all the congregations of the Lord’s people.

17 minutes to plan
20 minutes per day to do.

Baskets help organize but get muddled up.  Use some extra ones in laundry room for specific items

Bedroom
Clothes should be given away
Can do one drawer at a time
Clean under bed
Clean floor boards

Entry way
Floor boards
Box on shelf....do we need it all?
Under fish tank

Living room
Floor boards
Box by me
Table tops
Probably leave Craigs brown one alone

Den
Get rid of clothes
Organize closet
Clean out boxes

Bathroom
Get rid of old shampoo
Clean and organize boxes

Kitchen
Cabinets all of them

Laundry room
Clean pantry organize other shelves use boxes and label
  Tools
   Laundry
Other

Would like to sheet rock and paint remove the old cabinet _install dishwahser?  Put in a utility sink .. long term goal remove all cabinets and replace with nice white lowes cabinets 

Gentle answer

Proverbs 15:1 NIV

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

Loving communication is gentle, honest, and without malice or anger.  When wives get the respect peice right and are more discerning about what they say, their husbands hear them note clearly.

I have always thought i was a good listener, but I've caught myself talking more and even interrupting during not important conversations.  

I am not very good at empathic listening. 
I need to really work on empathic listening. Seeking to understand.  

Sweet words

Proverbs 16:24 NIV

Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

The book says to check in with your husband if you want to know how you are doing.  But, I either won't believe him, or he won't be open.

5 things my husband does every week...
A strength for that activity
What the strength means to me
Write a note.
NO EXPECTATIONS

1. Goes to work - he wants to provide.
Provider....

2. Fills up the water tanks.

3. Cares for his mom.  Integrity

4. Makes the bed

5. Does his own laundry.

Perseverance
Faithful
Confidence
Leadership
Tenderness

Integrity 4/7
Psalm 78:72 NIV
And David shepherded them with integrity of heart; with skillful hands he led them.

Provider

Ephesians 4:29 NIV

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

Today's dare is to speak life.... to everyone in my life.  Then I need to record what happened later.  Oy!

I didnt do very well.  At least not with sarcsm and my annoyance with Kim.  I also didnt do well with craig.  He brought flowers.... but I am hurt by his desire to leave.     I dont know what to do.  Other than to share, just one time how I feel.  Its odd... I hurt overhim moving to peteluma...but at the same time I crave his love and approval.....   but I am cold.   Lord, please help me!

A real dare

Ephesians 4:29 NIV

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

Today's dare is to speak life.... to everyone in my life.  Then I need to record what happened later.  Oy!

Glitter

Everything that glitters isn't gold.  We should stick to what God has called us to do. 

Where your treasure is

Hebrews 13:4-5 NIV

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”

I never realized that the first part of this section is about husband and wives.

1. I don't generally find myself envious.  I would like a pretty house (or maybe just a functional house) where I can invite people over.  I love the property but not having real running water...Real septic and a decent kitchen can be frustrating.  Craig talks about how he always took care of the fresno house...but he doesn't do anything here.  I don't fully trust him to finish projects.  I do believe that when I share my frustration he feels I am not being respectful but when I ask how I can do that respectfully he won't answer.   Father forgive me for being disrespectful in how I share.  Help us...show us...lead us by your spirit to communicate.

2. I don't put pressure on him. He puts enough on himself.  He is currently trying to get a job in peteluma. 

3.  I agree.  Lord use us and this property to your glory

4 I do trust God. Sometimes I get impatient, but mainly it's a communication issue with craig and I. 

5. The property really isn't ours.  It is Gods! God can use it and our time here to bless Tony and Lisa...Instead of just taking advantage of us.

Lord, although I am not perfect or even close, I am more content with money.  How do I help my husband?   (YOU dont...be still, love him and let God work on his heart) 

Be still

Exodus 14:14 NIV

The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”

This means in my marraige too! 

Joy

John 16:20-33 NIV

Very truly I tell you, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy.  A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world.  So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy.  In that day you will no longer ask me anything. Very truly I tell you, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name.  Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.     “Though I have been speaking figuratively, a time is coming when I will no longer use this kind of language but will tell you plainly about my Father.  In that day you will ask in my name. I am not saying that I will ask the Father on your behalf.  No, the Father himself loves you because you have loved me and have believed that I came from God.  I came from the Father and entered the world; now I am leaving the world and going back to the Father.”    Then Jesus’ disciples said, “Now you are speaking clearly and without figures of speech. Now we can see that you know all things and that you do not even need to have anyone ask you questions. This makes us believe that you came from God.”    “Do you now believe?” Jesus replied. “A time is coming and in fact has come when you will be scattered, each to your own home. You will leave me all alone. Yet I am not alone, for my Father is with me.     “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

Treat him like a man

Proverbs 31:12 NIV

She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.

Have I treated Craig like a child?  Definitely.   Lord jesus,  I don't want to treat him with disrespect.   Please show me what I need to change.  Sharon never treated John inferior.....I don't recall her treating my dad like that either.  Kathie is respectful as well.  My mom wasnt. 

8 things to make my husband feel like a man....

Sincerely thank him... for providing....getting water..... (can do  that this morning)

Initiate love making....

Let him open the door

Don't scold him

Be kind

Don't put him on facebook...He feels it's all disrespectful.

Talk to him

Don't expect anything in return... father, how can I keep going without appreciation?  I haven't been feeling loved.... let alone appreciated.  

When you experience resentment or disappointment due to your husband's reaction or lack of reaction consider those feelings cues of expectations for you.  Choose in those moments to change your attitude, loving without expectation as God did through Jesus.

Persecution

What to do when others talk badly about you?

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor       and hate your enemy.’    But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,    that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.    If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that?    And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?    Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.


Interesting - because just last week I had this conversation with a 5th grader...it's hard... but it's outside of our circle of control.

Chores of love

Proverbs 31:27 NIV

She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.

1.the chore I put off is at the moment ...taxes..... kitchen remodel....working in the orchard. 

Lord, I believe I am diligent, please show me where I spend too much time doing unimportant and non urgent things.  Please order my day 

Leftovers

Proverbs 31:26 NIV

She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

NASB....kindness is on her tongue.....

Phil 4:8

Philippians 4:8 NIV

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

1. 3 accomplishments,  Valley Life Charter school, master's degree, marrying again
2. God was incredibly involved in marrying again and Valley life.   The first time I prayed, asking God how long it would be before I could tell Craig that I loved him, within 5 minutes, he told me!  But the one that I knew God was involved in was vlcs....
3. During the last year at vcis and the writing of the charter along with the first year of opening, God used Craig to support me.  He also gave so many signs and opened doors just at the right moment.  He still opens doors. 
4. I dont have to believe the lies people say about me.  I don't have to believe the lies I say about myself.  I trusted in Him.
5. God can take any situation and make it something incredible.  He is the author of life.  God desires goodness and mercy for us. 
6. God can do anything through anyone.  The accomplishments of Valley Life are all HIS
7.  I get frustrated because I don't see growth at each turn.  I don't really see my husband growing in the Lord.  I want to grow with him.

Pay an honest compliment before offering constructive feedback. 

We can also see how inaccurate our perceptions are.  Build others up instead of tearing them down, all the while saying what needs to be said  and  that motivates and will be heard.

Simply pray to see life through the lense of the Holy spirit.  Lord please fill me with your spirit that I would have the ability to see what is true, what is noble, right ,pure ,lovely , admirable , excellent, or praiseworthy in every situation especially those that cause you to be angry hurt or irritated     in Jesus strength amen.

Good advice

Luke 6:37 NIV

“Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.

1. I think craig confides in me often.  He is so unlike most men, in that he has a lot of words. 
2. He doesn't really tell me about situations he needs help on.  He reports on incidents.  I mostly listen.
3. I don't think I give a lot of advise.  Occassionally a word of caution about something he may say about kids. 
4. I dont use accusatory words. 
5.  I think my husband would want me 5 talk and interact more.

He thinks I withdraw because I am over stressed at work, but it's really more that I feel he is critical of me.  He tells me often what I should and shouldn't do. 

Do I yearn for emotional intimacy or do I push him away because I am afraid?  I already feel unworthy and not enough.  If he is closer to me..will he judge all of my flaws?  Has he already?

Many times people just want to be heard, not fixed or offered advise.  We think we are helping but what we are communicating is an attitude of superiority over the other person....

Resist the temptation to offer advise.  Evaluate the situation, asking if he or she wants to talk.

Ask your husband if he considers you a safe person to talk to about hos challenges.  If he indicates you could be better ask him how you can improve. 

What happens when we are sad

Lord, I am struggling with my marrauge.  I am struggling with self worth.  Maybe not self worth, but not being  enough for craig.  But, I am drawing closer to you.  Thank you for comforting me and loving me. 

Enough
Good enough
Virtuous enough
Sexual enough
Nice enough
Pretty enough
Kind

Remember

PHil 1:9-11 That your love may abound still more and more in knowledge and all discernment, that you may approve the things that are excellent, that you may be sincere and without offense till the day of Christ, being filled with the fruits of righteousness which are by Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God. 

Bottom Line:  Wisdom comes from seeing the truth in the big picture and not allowing your perceptions to be clouded by life's daily challenges.


1. What five positive attributes were reason to marry your husband?

• Integrity
• Sense of humor
• Kindness
• Servant Heart
• Loved the Lord

2.  These were important, because I know that a relationship can not work without God in the midst of it.  I love to laugh....Even Sunday - having Craig laugh at my story telling was so refreshing....
3.  Lord - please show me that my husband still has these strengths.  I am suspicious and disillusioned, because my gut was telling me something - and I'm finding it to be at least partially true...
4.  I don't communicate about his strengths often.  I rarely praise him
5. I think that reminding him of his strengths would help him to respond more positively to me.  I get impatient though.  Yesterday was such a great day at work - and then I started wondering about pages....  Lord, help us communicate from the heart.... I don't want to lose my husband....

Suspicious

I've been feeling suspicious of craig lately.  Now I just feel sick to my stomach.   I looked at his computer history and compared it to my blog..   2.1 I wrote about our fight....

July 16th..same thing

Unwholesome talk

Ephesians 4:29 NIV

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

I can apply this to all areas of my life. 

I have only been sharing how I feel about issues with Melissa....  lord, I want a guard over my mouth....

I think I'm doing ok.  I don't think he feels the same.   Everything I say is disrespectful.  I'm not sure I can make it through this marraige, let alone a 40 day dare.   Father, once again I give everything to you.  My children, you know my heart.... my husband....and our relationship.....Valley life...... The ranch.   I need emotional strength that can only come from you.  But I also need peace and joy...

I think I tease him.... but it's not mean

I will work up the courage to ask.

Grumbling

Philippians 2:14 NIV

Do everything without grumbling or arguing,

Lord, my emotional bank account is low.  At work and home.  I know that I can be aggressive.  Father, I desire your spirit in order that I can shine bright for you.  I give myself to you.  You have created me to love and serve.  Father, I desire to be loved and appreciated as well.  Lord, you were not loved and appreciated, even though you lay down your life.  Thank you Jesus for laying down your life for me. 

Some practical ways to help craig.. Lord show me how I can joyfully serve my husband and my staff.  I have been hoping he would show me love as well, by leaving little notes, bringing flowers..... but he isn't in that place.   Lord, give me energy tomorrow to go out and pick up branches so he doesn't have too. 

Thank you father for putting on my heart to serve you..not men.

Me and my big mouth 20140320

James 1:19 NIV

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,

I desire to be this person.  At home and at work.   Our most recent argument strted with craig comin in and being angry about finances.  I was hurt that he was willing to cancel our anniversary trip.  That no matter how I explained the check issue, henstill treated me as though it was my fault.  As the day drew closer, I was more distant and hurt.  craig changed his mind and thought we could go.  I felt if he wanted to go he needed to make it happen.  He said he had no idea how to make it happen, so I pointed out the certificate and told him the information was all there.   He didnt do it and by saturday, the room was unavailable.  He never said happy anniversary, didnt even give me a card.   I was heart broken, and still am.   I didnt yell or through a fit. I am seeking to understand... but am also frustrated.  I have asked questions, vs arguing, but I still feel like he thinks im being disrespectful.

Lord, please show me what to do here.  Not just at home, but in everything.  I am frustrated with parents at work.... frustrated with some staff.... frustrated with craig.  I am actually concerned that craig may becoming emotionally involved with someone, though I dont know who.  Jesus there are so many things demanded of me that I really dont know what to do sometimes.  Everyone has an opinion about what I should do.  

Thank you for your word Father.  Consider it pure joy my brothers and sisters whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and not lacking in anything.  If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, eho gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.

My vision 3.19

22% through The Respect Dare: 40 Days to a Deeper Connection with God and Your Husband by Roesner, Nina on Kindle for Android! http://www.amazon.com/kindleforandroid/

Respect Dare, Day 4

I will think about whatever is true, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatevernis admirable, if anything is excellent, when Craig does something, even a small act of kindness, I will praise both God and my husband, and think about these things.  (Phil4:8)

IAM A wife of noble character.  I am worth far more than rubies.  Craig has full confidence in me, and he lacks nothing of value.  I bring my family good, not harm.  I select clothing, and work to make my school and my home a place that glorifies the Lord, with eager hands and heart.  My lamp does not go out at night.  I am diligent to complete what needs to be completed, and I still have energy to spend quality time with my husband.  I look forward to spending my time with him, and dont refuse him. I am clothed with strength and dignity and I laugh at the days to come. I speak wisdom and faithful instruction.  I am kind and control my tongue.  I do not eat the bread of idleness. My husband has eyes only for me.  He praises me, and I believe him.  I am a wife of noble character.   I build him up through prayer and communication.  I support him in love.  I am a fun wife, that he looks forward to spending time with. 

Personal assessment

Day 3
Do I spend my time in prayer?   3..could be better

Do I read the bible frequently....4. Try to daily

Do I make daily decisions based on what I think would please God?  My self gets in the way, but I try to make decisions that will not displease him.

Is my heart filled with gratitude?   No, definitely lacking here.    Jesus, fill me with your spirit of peace and joy.  Thank you for loving me.  I desire to please you..... and to have a thankful heart.

Do I live my life for God or am I more concerned with what others think?  I am more concerned what others think when I am feeling unfairly judges. 

Am I more concerned about being holy or happy? I want to be both.  I am more concerned with hapoiness, but I know that I can carry my weather with me.  Jesus help me do that practically as I return to work today. 

Household management...I am comfortable in my management skills.

Without typing all of the questions out, I am sure I am not an effective communucator.  I do not often really seek to undrrstand.  I seek to listen to interpret.  Lord, I don't know how to be gentle in this.  I want someone to seek to understand me too.  Please show me how to be concise but nice...how to listen without judging...speak the language of respect to craig....handle is agreements while getting my message across...and not alienating Craig.  Lose the criticalness.  Jesus, I want to be gentle as a dove yet wise as a servant in all that I do.

Confident
Just my position makes me appear confident but I know inside me...I am not.  I believe I am considered to be aggressive.  I don't always have the courage to do what God wants me to do, but... He does amazing things anyway. I desire a spirit of love power and self discipline.
I desire to be your graceful grateful servant.... and Craigs loving graceful grateful wife.

This survey is hard because I am hard on myself.  I don't think I have a God view of who I am.  

The 2 I most desire is to live by the power of His spirit in love and self discipline...and to be known as a graveful...grateful woman. 

Lord jesus, please grow me in these areas...not just for Craigs sake but for the kingdoms sake.  Thank you jesus for loving me even when I am not being kind.  Thank you for your gentle Ness that calls us to you..calls us to improve.  

Help me

Lord, help me with the intent to seek to understand not just to be understood. 

Respect dare day 2

Death

Today, I feel like my marraige has died.   I am not umworthy, I am redeemed.  However, I have committed 5o being Craigs wife.  Although he doesnt seem to desire to understand me..and its all my fault.  I committed to him.  Jesus, 9lease resurrect our marraige or give me peace about our relati8nship

Respect dare day1

2 Timothy 1:7 NIV

For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.

Father, as I sit here, he is in the shower.  We should have left for church 9 minutes ago.   Is it unrealistic for me to desire to be on time?  I feel as though he doesn't care.  I don't want to nag at him.  What is better? To say nothing and just be late all the time?  That frustrates me.  Keep the peace or go alone?  take 2 cars?  Lord, how do I approach this?  Part of it is my hope that he wants to do something later.  Now if we go to church well miss all of the worship.  If we wait, it will be late and we won't have time to do anything...like maybe go on a hike. 

But I also told him I wanted to finish the bathroom today so he wouldn't come up with alternative plans.  Going to the late service will be ok.  

Why doesn't he say he wants to go to the late service if that is what he wanted.  Instead of making us late. 

  

Effective vs ineffectiveness

http://bible.com/111/MAT13.22.NIV The seed falling among the thorns refers to someone who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke the word, making it unfruitful. But the seed falling on good soil refers to someone who hears the word and understands it. This is the one who produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown.” Bible.com/app

So often I feel innefective.   I can feel a lot of negativity.  As though no one appreciates me or what I do.  By no one I mean....my family, husband, some of my staff,any of the parents.    But, that is the enemy.   The cares and worries of this world are deceitful.   They choke out the small mustard seed of faith I have and make me be inneffective.   When was the last time I allowed my heart to be a place of good soil....where the word can continue to grow in me?   There will always be cares in this world but to be effective.... I need to nurture the goose.....

Our leadership team has not been.   

Daily musings

http://bible.com/111/MAT13.22.NIV The seed falling among the thorns refers to someone who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke the word, making it unfruitful. Bible.com/app

I have always thought that this means they heard the word, accepted it, but then it died.  (Lost their faith )

What I am seeing today isn't that they lost their faith, they just allow so much to get in the way of what they believe..  
How often I am the one who let's the world choke me and make me ineffective.  

http://bible.com/r/3D.3y Today I am reading day 246 of Joyce Meyer: Promises for Your Everyday Life - a Daily Devotional:

1 Timothy 1:16 NIV

But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life.

Showing mercy to those that we feel don't deserve it is hard.  I'd rather run to proverbs and find a verse that says they will get theirs.   Lord jesus.... you have been so merciful to me.  Forgive me father when I choose to not show mercy.  Fill me with your spirit that I would be more like you. 

Please help us with water and with knowing what to do with this property. 

Lead miranda to a job that you would have her do..if the current one is not your plan for her. 

Give us wisdom and in site into the whole Natalie Vigil thing... 

Let me get by today and be joyful...With your Holy Spirit. 

God's word is always on time and always relevant.

http://bible.com/111/JAS3.1.NIV Not many of you should become teachers, my fellow believers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly. We all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check. When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water. Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such “wisdom” does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness. Bible.com/app

Just today

http://bible.com/r/3D.3p Today I am reading day 237 of Joyce Meyer: Promises for Your Everyday Life - a Daily Devotional:

Today, Craig and I went to the second day of the love and respect conference.  I have not been very respectful of his authority in our marraige. 

Lord I am giving our marraige to you.  I need to be nice to my husband but often tim3s feel so uncared for.   I don't know if it is me ..him or both of us.  I feel judged and lacking.  I told him I am letting go of control of the property.  If he wants to move to Fresno when sandi moves out I am ok with that.  I am ok with being here too but want running water.    I don't want to be a millstone around his neck.  I don't want to be a burden nor have the property be a burden.  Jesus help me to trust in you.  I am sad and afraid.  

Giving up

http://bible.com/111/GAL6.9.NIV Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers. Bible.com/app

It is much easier to give up...I seem to just before my miracle.....   I want to stay strong.  I want to understand where God is leading us.   There is so much trouble in the world and here I am...sad that we have very little water.... so much cancer out thete.  

I am a contentious wife.   Lord JESUS change me....  I want to choose joy..... love peace patience kindness gentleness understanding...

Setting boundaries

Focus and energy

The Daniel Plan

We need to learn new thinking skills, such as learning to replace negative thoughts rather than resist them.  Whatever you resist, persists.  The more you fight a feeling, the more it controls you.  The secret to victory over temptation is simply yo change the channel of your mind.  Refocus your attention on something else and the temptation immediately loses its power over you.  Rick Warren,  The Daniel Plan

Questions.....sadness 1/20/14

I often times feel quite depressed.    Why is that?  Why is my emotional bank account so low?  Why dont I trust people?  Lord, I need peace that passes all umderstanding.  That my heart and mind would be steady and safe in you.  Jesus...please fill me.  Please fill my husband.   Love him through me and allow me to feel his love.  

Love without limits

Pastor padilla wrote:  my intent today is to be a light that shines out of darkness.  To love without limits and give what ive been givin!

Todays scripture:

Philippians 4:4-9 NIV

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.   Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Leviticus 19:18 NIV

“ ‘Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone among your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord .

Luke 10:27 NIV

He answered, “ ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’ ; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ ”

Father...please fill me with your holy spirit!  That I would be able to supernaturally love my neighbor, and my husband, and my co-workers, my children, the children you put at valley life, and their families. Please father, give me grace and peacenand a full heart today, no matter what else comes my way.  Go before us today.  Fill steve with your love and compassion.  Above all, givenus a sense of humor that comes from you 

Love my church

http://bible.com/111/MRK2.1.NIV A few days later, when Jesus again entered Capernaum, the people heard that he had come home. They gathered in such large numbers that there was no room left, not even outside the door, and he preached the word to them. Some men came, bringing to him a paralyzed man, carried by four of them. Since they could not get him to Jesus because of the crowd, they made an opening in the roof above Jesus by digging through it and then lowered the mat the man was lying on. When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralyzed man, “Son, your sins are forgiven.” Now some teachers of the law were sitting there, thinking to themselves, “Why does this fellow talk like that? He’s blaspheming! Who can forgive sins but God alone?” Immediately Jesus knew in his spirit that this was what they were thinking in their hearts, and he said to them, “Why are you thinking these things? Which is easier: to say to this paralyzed man, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Get up, take your mat and walk’? But I want you to know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins.” So he said to the man, “I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home.” He got up, took his mat and walked out in full view of them all. This amazed everyone and they praised God, saying, “We have never seen anything like this!” Bible.com/app

Craig

I would never tell him I didn't think we could ever communicate....

I asked him if he ever thought we could cimmunicate...He said he was beginning to highly doubt it....    then left to Fresno.  

Lord jesus....what do I do? 

Never thought that I would hear my husband thought it highly likely We could communucate.... I know you mean me.... I'm sorry that I don't meet your expectations....  I re read some very personal blogs of mine...This is not a new place for us.... I guess it's up to us to choose to work past it, ignore it or come to terms with it.  I'm exhausted with always being wrong.  I'm not sure you're capable of thinking you ever do anything wrong.... I'm tired of stuffing my feelings...just as I'm sure you are.   Everything is always my fault.... communication...financial....everything... I am taking full responsibility. ... ..I'm sorry for being such a dissapointment....

Joy

http://bible.com/111/LUK6.38.NIV Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” Bible.com/app

This doesn't just mean monetary giving.  Be kind to others and they will be more apt to be kind to you.  Love others....